Leap Of Faith

Heart Surgery is not for wimps. The things The Grandma are going through are just horrible and yet at the same time, I am amazed at how quickly she is bouncing back. She got drainage tubes out yesterday and her color is infinitely better. It looks like she will stay in the ICU at least one more day though. Her heart rate keep fluctuating last night and this morning, although the doctor says this is normal in 80% on the cases he sees.

Being the daughter that normally takes care of everything, it feels strange to tell you that I am flying home tomorrow afternoon. I'm not staying until she gets out of the hospital. I'm not staying to clean her house and shop for healthy food before she gets home. All of these things are going to fall to Uncle Mike, the one who usually runs from anything like this, and he is up for the challenge. I know he will do a great job and that she will be okay. I will try to not cry too much when I say goodbye tomorrow and get on that plane.

Uncle Mike will stay another week until Auntie LJ can get here. She will stay a week and then Auntie Lori will take over for a week. If The Grandma still needs help after that, I will return. It all looks good on paper, but feels like crap to me. I feel like I should be here. Although I am full of gratitude for the two friends my mother has. Once again, I am at a point in my life where I must close my eyes, put my hand on my heart, and take that first step into nothingness and know that I will be okay and land on solid ground.

I am looking forward to going home and seeing Robby! He misses me I'm told, but he cannot miss me more than I miss him. He had a nightmare that Santa Claus stole his wahki (pacifier) a few nights ago. I need to go protect his possessions from that jolly old elf.