- Find somewhere between rage and devestation to live.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
1. Take Medication/Vitamins
Is ice cream a vitamin? I haven't regulary taken a vitamin since they pulled Robby out.
2. Wear 1 Thing That Makes Me Smile
This used to be a shirt in my favorite color or a pair of jeans my ass looked good in. Today it made me smile that I had a clean pair of 10 year old jeans. Am I the only one who misses tapered-leg jeans and big hair?
3. 20 Minutes of Stress Relief
I remember this was my compromise for the word exercise. I didn't want to have to exercise everyday, so I wrote this instead. Is nicotine a stress reliever?
4. Keep Commitments
OK! Finally something I still try to do everyday. Today, I just don't commit to something/someone as often as I used to and I try never to work on a deadline. Accomplishment through avoidance. WooHoo!
5. Connect With One Person
This means truly have a meaningful interaction with another human (ie not isolate myself). If Robby counts, and I think he should, I have done this daily for going on 21 months.
6. One Scrub Item Completed
A "scrub item" is something on your to do list. The concept being that if you have too many things to do nagging at you there is no room left for the good stuff to come into your life. I used to have an actual Scrub List I would add to when something came up and cross things off as I completed them. The phrase "Do It, Dump It or Delegate It" was my mantra. Today this list is in my head and I do stuff when I have free time. Ok, stop laughing.
I went to the dentist for the first time in a little over 2 years last month. Yeah, I got the lecture. I used to keep the floss by the TV so I could do it as I watched Survivor or some other vital hour of must see television. (Note to self: Put floss by TV on To Do List)
8. Write in Journal
Journal? What about a BLOG, does that count? My guess is that unless I actually post it doesn't.
9. Read For Pleasure
I can hear all the parents out there laughing. Read? When? I used to be an avid reader. Now I'm lucky if I get to read an article in Parents magazine while on the toilet with out being interrupted. From the day he was born, Robby knowns when Mama is reading, eating or having sex.
10. 7 Hours of Sleep
Now the parents out there are really getting a kick out of this list. I admit I'm lucky when it comes to this. Except for the occasional night, Robby sleeps through the night. He goes to bed around 7 to 7:30 and sleeps until 6 or 7. (Except the last three mornings when he's gotten up around 5.) If I can't manage 7 hours in there, I blame myself.
When I tried to revise the list for my life today I found that it pretty much stayed the same. Except for the reading. That needs to go on another list - for now. The needs I was trying to meet when I originally wrote the list are the same today as they were all the years ago. To me, that's a sign of something worth keeping. When I first made the list I remember how good I felt at the end of the day. Just being aware of these needs was powerful for me. When I'd go to bed each night I would review all that I'd accomplished that day and feel like it was a day well spent. I miss that feeling. Lately when I do this all my accomplishments have been either housework or moneymaking-work. Yes, true they are things that have to be done. Still, I ask myself why I have been placing more value on the laundry than my needs. (There's a question from a post-it-note, Devon!)
I'm making a new Scrub List this week! Stay tuned.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Saturday, April 7, 2007
So far this spring I’ve had a process server at my door, have had so much congestion that I haven’t heard out of my right ear for going on 2 months, had major problems with my marriage and struggled with how to support a friend with cancer. How’s your spring going? Did I mention that when we drain the bathtub water leaks from the garage ceiling?
No one likes to hear about other people’s problems. I do not want to be the person you avoid because you really don’t want to hear about their latest tragedy. Everyone has problems. I know that my problems don’t compare to health problems, being homeless, having your house burn down or coping with a loved one’s death. I know. Robby is healthy, thriving and happy. Things could be a lot worse. I know. But despite all of that my problems are MY problems. They affect the daily quality of my life and the lives of those around me.
Attitude you say? Well, I’ve tried that. It doesn’t work in the spring for me. Normally, when life gets a little overwhelming and I get caught up in little mundane nuisances I will try to change my outlook. Service to others is one. If I get involved and help someone else, I find I am not so caught up in my own stuff and the good feeling of helping someone else is just the shot in the arm I need to move forward in my own life. This especially works if I think that the other person’s problems are much worse than mine. Then I get a bonus dose of gratitude as well. Accentuating the positive is always good when the “bluckys” strike as well. It’s hard for me to fake happiness though. So, when my nose is really up against “the wall” accentuating the positive only serves to piss me off more.
So what’s a girl to do? I’m doing the best I can at any given moment throughout the day. Oh, and counting the days until summer officially starts.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Check it out! http://lesbiandad.net/2007/03/29/sandbox-paradox/
Maybe if I keep reading the thought provoking posts of others I will be inspired to write.
Keep checking back to see please. Don't give up on me yet.