Friday, February 29, 2008
I wanted to let everyone know that I am still alive and will try to post more often in the month of March. I'm looking forward to all the great things happening next month! St. Patrick's Day! Easter! Bruce Springsteen! Oh My!
I hope everyone enjoyed their extra day and put it to good use. I worked for 5 whole hours and blew my nose a lot.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I remember the first time I saw the episode where Ma Ingalls finds out she is going through the change. I remember her crying and saying that she felt useless to Pa because she could not bear him any more children. She was afraid he would not want her anymore; her purpose on this earth was gone. I thought she was crazy then, in the 70's as a girl who had not yet met her Aunt Flow. I still do.
I can understand her feeling a little sad at the thought of not having another baby. I've felt that. The "because one is enough" byline of this blog is not only referring to Robby's dimple. It also reminds me that he will be my only child and to make it enough. I imagine in real prairie life though, Ma would have been thrilled.
They had no television and the sun went down early on the prairie. Doc Baker had no birth control to offer and she couldn't get a pack of Trojans at the mercantile. She had to be tired too. She did all the cooking, cleaning, childcare and still had to substitute at the school every now and then. She worked as hard as Pa did; maybe even a little more at times. I think my great grandmother could relate to her though. She was a farmer's wife with seven children of her own. I like to think that she respects the different choices I have made. And I also hope she knows how much respect and admiration I have for the strength, sense of family and abundant love she lavished on everyone she met. Thanks, grandma. I miss you.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
This is The Mama's senior picture from high school. Doesn't she look like a normal teenage girl in 1984? There are a lot of things you can't see in this picture. Although the photographer can see her fine, she cannot see him or even his camera for that matter. Lasik was still 16 years away when this was taken and normally her face would be hidden by very large, very thick plastic-framed glasses. You remember the frames where the ear pieces attached to the bottom of the frames and not the middle? Yeah, those. They were great for peripheral vision, if you weren't too nearsighted to have peripheral vision. Let's talk about the hair. I want to reach into the photo and change her hair. It looks like she slept on it wrong and then curled it the best she could. She has these ears that stick out and spent countless hours trying to cover them up with her hair. I find it quite shocking that I see this girl of 17 so much differently today. I hated this picture when it was taken, and it was the best pose. When I look at it now, I see such a young face with no scars or wrinkles. Her neck isn't really that fat. It was insane for her to worry about it so much. Her eyes haven't bulged out yet. That won't happen for another 7 years with the Graves Disease. I want to tell her that she has the most beautiful eyes.
If I could go back in time and talk to her for just a few minutes, I would tell her a lot of things. I'd start off by telling her how beautiful she is. I know she wouldn't believe me though. She'd think I saw her differently than the rest of the world. She had a big wall up around her heart when it came to a lot of things, including her self-image. I'd tell her that she was about to face one of the toughest years of her life. A year full of choices to be made by a girl who is out of her comfort zone and has no tools in her arsenal to help her make better choices. I'd tell her that she will survive, as she always has, but this time the price for that survival will be high. I'd tell her that she will meet another young girl this year, when she goes off into that big scary world, and this girl will be a life long friend. I'd tell her that one day the two of them will hold each other's children and feel pure joy. I'd tell her not to push her roommate up against the wall by her throat. I'd tell her that although she will feel alone at times, she really is not alone at all.
I would like to shake her out of the obsessive behaviors and feelings. She is so infactuated with that 17 year old boy though, she can't see anything else. She will sing to him on his doorstep for christsake! She has this loyalty, for lack of a better word, for anyone she loves. Loyalty is an admirable quality, but not when given when it's not wanted or deserved. When her love isn't returned by this boy her heart will break. She will do what she did when it happened the first time someone she loved let her down. She will pretend. She will live in fantasy and not reality. She will make excuses for him. She will spend every waking minute trying to figure out what she can do to make it right; to make her right, so she will be loved in return.
I'd tell her that he will turn out to be someone she doesn't even like or respect one day. I'd tell her that one day she will thank God for unanswered prayers.
I'd tell her to put herself first. I'd tell her to love herself first.
If I could make her listen, could I really change the course of her life? Would I want to?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
I've been obsessed with Newman's Own products for many years now. I've tried them all; salad dressing, spaghetti sauce, lemonade, limeade, popcorn, salsa, marinade, steak sauce... ice cream. True fans will remember the ice cream. The ice cream disappeared off the shelves several years ago despite my constant letters and emails begging for its return. Obscene. Vanilla. Bean. I cry for you. The Papa even included Newmans Own references in his love letters to me when we first started dating.
How Paul Newman and his partner A.E. Hotchner started this endeavor is a great story and one I recommend. Most will remember Mr. Newman for his acting; a few for his racing. I think his is one of the greatest stories of someone making a difference with their lives. He's one of my heros.
Since there is no ice cream to be had, I will just have to take some Fig Newmans (from his organic line) and milk to bed tonight. God bless you, Mr. Newman, wherever you are.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
...works everytime. He ate constantly this weekend so he must be starting another growth spurt.
I ran across yet another article about the over the counter cold medications not being safe for kids. As a parent, I really don't know what to think about all of this. So far, they have only "officially" issued a warning for children under 2, but they are still researching the 2 - 6 age group. I think that news is enough for any parent to call it "official". I know I am not going to reach for a bottle at the first sign of a sniffle. I know I am going to do some research and write a few letters and encourage the powers that be to make it a priority for the CDC and FDA to figure this out. I won't even get started about the vaccine vs autism controversy. That's another post.