Things You Never Knew You Needed

I have been fighting sinus and/or lung infections for the better part of a month. I am so tired of being sick and having no energy. It has triggered my allergies into full bloom as well. My left eye has taken to swelling to a size larger than my right eye. I look like Ferb.

"It's not a tumor" and I have the cat-scan to prove it. That being said, it seems petty to complain about allergies and infections that can be cured with drugs from your local drug store. In fact your local drug store has everything you never knew you needed. Observe:

Count Chocula Lip Balm

How many times have you wished for something that tastes like imitation chocolate in a small tube so you could apply it to your lips?

Long Term Relationships for your hair.

The marketing campaigns targeting horny single women have really gotten out of hand.

Devil-faced pacifier

Your baby is not cute enough with a normal pacifier? Going to a Marilyn Manson concert with the little one? This is a MUST have! Satan gear for your baby. Has Pat Robertson seen this one yet?

Edible birthday cards for your dog

As my little brother says, "It is amazing the things people would rather have than money".

A Snuggie for your dog.

How many times has your dog been sitting on the couch under a blanket wishing his paws were free to talk on the phone or knit a keen Christmas sweater for himself? Can you see the "Kill me. Please." look in his eyes?

I think the only reason the store had all of these things is because people out of their right minds with diseases come in and are forced to browse the merchandise while waiting.

I am proud to say that I only walked out of the store with antibiotics.

That Snuggie would be super cute on my brother's beagle though.