When The Papa and I were getting divorced a few years ago, I saw a therapist. She helped me sort through a lot of my feelings and was a great sounding board for me. In our last session, I asked for help with all the grief that was consuming me. We did some visualization exercises and I was shocked with the results. I pictured myself on my wedding day; all dressed in white and happier than I have ever been. The changing autumn leaves falling all around me and so in love it oozed from my pores. I then captured that part of me and put her in a snow globe. Separate and safe from the day to day me, she could sit among the leaves that were falling from the trees in her own little bubble. The therapist was concerned that I would leave her in there forever and encouraged me to visit her often in hopes that one day she could once again become a part of me.
From that day forward, I put my mental “leaf globe” up on the shelf. I would shake it up every once in a while and check in on her. I always deemed it too unsafe for her to leave the bubble though and back up on the shelf she went.
Somewhere along the way, I deemed her strong enough and let her out of the bubble.
Ten years ago today, The Papa and I went on our first date. As I sit and reflect on the past ten years, I am amazed and ever so glad that she escaped that bubble and can celebrate them with me. After all, it was her that made that leap of faith that day. I trusted her belief that it would be okay to let someone love us.
Today, I feel whole and complete. I have learned that love does change, people do change and that it is okay to love someone, and yourself, through all the changes.
Through the next ten years and beyond, I hope we can keep remembering and cherishing that special love we have for each other. I love you, John.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
The Power of Elvis!
We were all sitting at the kitchen table last night after dinner, trying to get the thank you cards written and addressed to all the lovely people who sent Robby birthday gifts. I had purchased a box of generic cards and Robby's job was to stamp "Thank You Very Much" on them and then write his name below.
After a few a "R" and "B"'s were done, I was feeling pretty proud at how far he has come in learning to write his name. He has been able to spell it well over a year now. We were on the tenth card or so when Robby lost interest in writing his name and where you could make out a few letters a few cards ago, now all we could see was a scribble. (Maybe he will be a doctor?)
The Papa pointed out how people had spent their hard earned money to buy him a birthday present and he could at least try hard to write his name nice for them. He also may have mentioned that nice writing would be likely to prompt another gift in the future. Apparently, that's all the motivation Robby needed.
After a few a "R" and "B"'s were done, I was feeling pretty proud at how far he has come in learning to write his name. He has been able to spell it well over a year now. We were on the tenth card or so when Robby lost interest in writing his name and where you could make out a few letters a few cards ago, now all we could see was a scribble. (Maybe he will be a doctor?)
The Papa pointed out how people had spent their hard earned money to buy him a birthday present and he could at least try hard to write his name nice for them. He also may have mentioned that nice writing would be likely to prompt another gift in the future. Apparently, that's all the motivation Robby needed.
I am totally going to be one of THOSE moms and say,"Isn't my kid a friggin' GENIUS! (Ok, except he stamped the thank you upside down.) He can write his name at 4! Woo-Hoo!"
Thank you. Thank you very much!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Greeks Don't Want No Threeks
The many differences between The Papa and I not only drive me crazy at times, but are the glue that holds us together. An example?
The Papa has always preferred a threek to a fork. Urban Dictionary defines a threek:
1. threek
a three-tined eating utensil, similar to a fork.
"Look Mommy, this lady uses threeks instead of forks."
Our flatware is so old it looks like it came across the Oregon Trail. I've passed on several opportunities to get some nice, new flatware because there are no threeks in the set. Me? I use forks like the rest of the sane people of the world. When The Papa and I first co-habitated and all our books and belongings started to mingle, I remember how cute it was to see the pitiful little threeks in the silverware tray all stacked with the forks. They looked like little three-legged puppies. For a while, when The Papa was gone from the house, I actually missed them being in the drawer. I think their absence was a great reminder for me how much I need to get my "freaky threek" on in life. Without them, it was just all forks, all the time and you knew that when you reached in the drawer a fork is what you would get. Every single time. Life is so much sweeter for me not knowing if an occasional threek is going to be thrown into the mix.
Now, if I could just get him to put the toilet seat down...
The Papa has always preferred a threek to a fork. Urban Dictionary defines a threek:
1. threek
a three-tined eating utensil, similar to a fork.
"Look Mommy, this lady uses threeks instead of forks."
Our flatware is so old it looks like it came across the Oregon Trail. I've passed on several opportunities to get some nice, new flatware because there are no threeks in the set. Me? I use forks like the rest of the sane people of the world. When The Papa and I first co-habitated and all our books and belongings started to mingle, I remember how cute it was to see the pitiful little threeks in the silverware tray all stacked with the forks. They looked like little three-legged puppies. For a while, when The Papa was gone from the house, I actually missed them being in the drawer. I think their absence was a great reminder for me how much I need to get my "freaky threek" on in life. Without them, it was just all forks, all the time and you knew that when you reached in the drawer a fork is what you would get. Every single time. Life is so much sweeter for me not knowing if an occasional threek is going to be thrown into the mix.
Now, if I could just get him to put the toilet seat down...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Lifestyles of the Gay and Famous
Years past, a relative once told me she loved Aunt Mitch (my dearest friend and brother of 28 years) but did not approve of his lifestyle. To which I replied, "What lifestyle? Watching the Golden Girls on TV every night?". The more people know about the gay "lifestyle" the better educated they will be that really, we are all only people with the same wants, needs, desires and trials of life.
To all you hetero readers who want to see how the "other side" lives and all you homo readers who want a great love story just click here.
To all you hetero readers who want to see how the "other side" lives and all you homo readers who want a great love story just click here.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Life On Life's Terms
The Papa left last Wednesday for a week long trip to Idaho. The first part of the trip he was at a ProRally and had some fun racing cars. After the rally was over, he went to eastern Idaho to visit his mother and his eldest brother, Lars, who is ill and in a nursing home. The second half of his trip not being as fun as the first part. He is bringing his mother (The Meemaw) home with him for a visit and they will arrive tomorrow night. Robby's 4th birthday party is Sunday. (I cannot believe he will be four!) The Meemaw will be able to come to the birthday party, as well as attend the 2nd birthday party of one of her great-grandsons on Saturday. I finally got online invitations out last night. The people who don't have an email address will have to settle for a phoned invitation.
I just remembered I forgot to order the birthday cake.
Robby has just had a hard time with The Papa being gone. He has tested me every chance he's had and is more contrary than I've ever seen him. If I say anything he has to disagree with it. It has to be his original idea or plan. Otherwise, it is completely out of the question. Case in point - He refused to go to the playground last night because it was my idea. He said he'd rather stay at home and play. This, from the kid who always begs to go to the playground. Tonight, I am going to suggest he stay up late and ignore the vegetables on his plate at dinner. He stayed at home with The Grandma today.
I just remembered I never called the school to tell them he wasn't coming today.
We are having a backyard BBQ with hamburgers, hot dogs and lots of water fun for the kids. I have managed to get the lawn fairly green again in time for the party. The larger weeds are all gone, and every guest will notice this, as small bare dirt patches speckle the lawn in their place.
I just remembered I need to get a replacement handle-starting cord installed in the mower by Saturday.
The machines in my life are on strike this week it seems. Last night, my cell phone battery died sometime in the night. I feel bad that I didn't even hear it cry out that familiar "bong bong" as it powered down for the last time.
I was not greeted with the usual time display on the coffee pot this morning. Sometime in the night, a flashing "Errr2" took its place. After reading the very unhelpful owner's manual, I have concluded that "Errr2" is Kitchen-Aid for "The burner took a shit and won't heat up now".
The Grandma just called to say the she and Robby were on their way to the third Goodwill store of the day. She is determined to find a coffeemaker for $5. She probably has driven 25 miles looking for the next Goodwill store. At 11 miles per gallon that's roughly a $7 investment in the $5 coffee pot. Maybe it's true that eventually we all turn into our mothers.
Tomorrow night cannot come fast enough. The Papa will be home and things will once again be right with the world. I always sleep better when the entire pack is back in the den. I miss telling him about my day face to face. I miss all the little things he does for me to remind me that I am important too. I long to hold his hand and hear about how his brother is doing and how he is dealing with the thought of losing him. I miss his smell. I miss his touch.
I just remembered why I love The Papa so much.
I just remembered I forgot to order the birthday cake.
Robby has just had a hard time with The Papa being gone. He has tested me every chance he's had and is more contrary than I've ever seen him. If I say anything he has to disagree with it. It has to be his original idea or plan. Otherwise, it is completely out of the question. Case in point - He refused to go to the playground last night because it was my idea. He said he'd rather stay at home and play. This, from the kid who always begs to go to the playground. Tonight, I am going to suggest he stay up late and ignore the vegetables on his plate at dinner. He stayed at home with The Grandma today.
I just remembered I never called the school to tell them he wasn't coming today.
We are having a backyard BBQ with hamburgers, hot dogs and lots of water fun for the kids. I have managed to get the lawn fairly green again in time for the party. The larger weeds are all gone, and every guest will notice this, as small bare dirt patches speckle the lawn in their place.
I just remembered I need to get a replacement handle-starting cord installed in the mower by Saturday.
The machines in my life are on strike this week it seems. Last night, my cell phone battery died sometime in the night. I feel bad that I didn't even hear it cry out that familiar "bong bong" as it powered down for the last time.
I was not greeted with the usual time display on the coffee pot this morning. Sometime in the night, a flashing "Errr2" took its place. After reading the very unhelpful owner's manual, I have concluded that "Errr2" is Kitchen-Aid for "The burner took a shit and won't heat up now".
The Grandma just called to say the she and Robby were on their way to the third Goodwill store of the day. She is determined to find a coffeemaker for $5. She probably has driven 25 miles looking for the next Goodwill store. At 11 miles per gallon that's roughly a $7 investment in the $5 coffee pot. Maybe it's true that eventually we all turn into our mothers.
Tomorrow night cannot come fast enough. The Papa will be home and things will once again be right with the world. I always sleep better when the entire pack is back in the den. I miss telling him about my day face to face. I miss all the little things he does for me to remind me that I am important too. I long to hold his hand and hear about how his brother is doing and how he is dealing with the thought of losing him. I miss his smell. I miss his touch.
I just remembered why I love The Papa so much.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Big Elephants
We went to see a special behind the scenes zoo class this morning called Big Elephants. Thanks to The Nanny, we are members of the Oregon Zoo and got a chance to enroll in this special two hour class. After a late night of fireworks and BBQ at Uncle Mike's house we got up early and made it to the class by 9:30am.
Robby even told them how to spell his name for his name tag.
As soon as all the kids arrived we set off to go see the elephants. The star of the show was Sam, the baby elephant born at the zoo last August. Sam is already well over 1,000 pounds! It was a hot day so the elephants were getting some water and having some fun cooling off.
The instructor told us all about how elephants use their trunks for many things. They can pick up a toothpick or an entire tree with their trunk. Robby had The Papa to lift him up for a better view.
After seeing the elephants and holding real elephant bones, we went back to class to hear a few stories about elephants and have a snack.
Then we had some art time and made a few projects to take home.
Elephant with green spiral noodles.
Robby painted a YELLOW elephant mask. Yellow is his favorite color.
Then the kids got to sing a few songs about elephants and pretend they had trunks.
After class we grabbed some lunch and headed out to see the other animals at the zoo. The Sea Lions are always a favorite. They swim right next to the glass.
This is always so cool! The Seal Lions are pretty big!
We even said hello to our old friends the Penguins.
A good day for sure, even though we were all still worn out from the Fourth of July celebration.
I spent many years dreaming of a day just like today.I am such a lucky woman.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The Next Chapter
The Grandma has arrived from Arizona and is here to stay! Hoo-ray!
Right this minute, she and Robby are out in the backyard playing in the water, as it is 95 degrees here today. I have free time! What do I do with it besides work? Blog.
The Grandma will be staying with us and Uncle Mike both until she finds a new home of her own here. I think this will work out well, since once she is tired of one of her kids, she can go bother the other one for a while. (Just kidding, Mom.)
And so, this marks the end of a chapter in in her life and the start of the next one. The last chapter didn't end well. Here's hoping for a fresh new start with lots of love, old and new friendships and prosperity.
I'd write more - but a client just called. See? What spare time.
Right this minute, she and Robby are out in the backyard playing in the water, as it is 95 degrees here today. I have free time! What do I do with it besides work? Blog.
The Grandma will be staying with us and Uncle Mike both until she finds a new home of her own here. I think this will work out well, since once she is tired of one of her kids, she can go bother the other one for a while. (Just kidding, Mom.)
And so, this marks the end of a chapter in in her life and the start of the next one. The last chapter didn't end well. Here's hoping for a fresh new start with lots of love, old and new friendships and prosperity.
I'd write more - but a client just called. See? What spare time.
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