Last night was the first night I have ever spent away from Robby. I was so afraid it was going to be this horrible experience; filled with constant monitor checks and crying. Instead, I slept for about 11 hours. Ahhh. Sleep. I remember it well.
When I dropped Robby of at the Papa's apartment for the night, Robby was fine. In fact, he started saying, "Bye" to me as I was sitting on the couch talking to The Papa. I am so grateful that Robby is okay with all of this. I wouldn't want him to be any other way. I'd be lying though if I didn't confess a little twinge of pain as Robby closed the door behind me so rapidly after I walked through it. Maybe all the times I've told him "Mama's ALWAYS come BACK" has paid off.
We didn't get much sleep the night before for many reasons. First, I signed the final divorce papers that day and I'm sure Robby could sense the cloud of sadness lurking over my head. Second, tragedy struck when we got home from daycare. New wahky (binky) was broken beyond use. Robby was heart broken and repeatedly asked for New Wahky all night. Old Wahky was fine until 1 am. I remember the day we bought New Wahky. It was the first time We went grocery shopping since The Papa moved out. I was much too tired to be grocery shopping with an almost 2 year old, but the cupboard was BARE. Robby bit through his wahky and proceeded to throw the biggest tantrum of his life. I've seen kids throw tantrums in stores for many years and could never understand why their mothers didn't handle the situation properly. All the times I had told myself I would always remove my child from the store if he ever threw such a fit were playing back in my head as I pushed the cart to the baby isle, grabbed a package of pacifiers and opened it right on the spot. New Wahky and a big dose of understanding for The Mama was born.
Lastly, Robby picked that night to crawl out of his crib for the first time. At 3:30 am, I finally put Robby in his crib with a book and told him he HAD to go to sleep. Nothing else I had tried had coaxed him to sleep. I listened as he screamed for 9 minutes and then fell asleep. At 6 am when I heard him going through his normal morning routine of babbling the plot of a book he was looking at, I got out of bed and went to his room. I opened the door and saw that he was not in his nice safe crib where I left him but sitting in the chair smiling at me. Once my heart started beating again, we went through our normal morning routine.
I'm sure I'll always remember that day. All in all, it wasn't too bad though. I'm amazed at how we got through it so well. The sun still comes up, the Cherrios are still stuck to the bowl in the kitchen sink and the laughter and hope for a brighter future are still here.